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My gift in heaven

You were the best birthday present any sister could've wished for...


Published by: Jemma Gillard
Published on: 11 October 2012

Dear Bianca,
My favourite memory of you, Bee, is when you were eight. I caught you singing along to Celine Dion's It's All Coming Back To Me in our bedroom.
Wearing a pink party frock and swinging your blonde hair, you'd been dancing about with your imaginary friend Emily.
I couldn't stop giggling!
‘Leave me alone,' you'd sniffed, embarrassed.
‘I'm allowed to laugh,' I'd teased. ‘That's what sisters do!'
I loved you so much, Bee, since the day you were born. ‘Happy birthday, sweetie,' our mum Micky, 46, had smiled the day I turned five. ‘You have a baby sister!'
She'd been taken to hospital in the night and I was staying at Nan's. I couldn't believe that you'd chosen to come along on the same day as me. ‘My wish has come true!' I'd giggled.
I already had a brother Marcus, two, but I'd always longed to have a baby sister to play with.
I couldn't have asked for a better birthday present - in fact, I started thinking up joint party ideas for us straight away. Pirates, circuses, jungles, fairies... I wanted them all!
Visiting you in hospital that first time, you were like a doll.
‘Do you want to hold her?' Mum smiled, sitting me in a chair and passing you across.
‘We're going to have so much fun,' I whispered, gently cradling you with Mum's help.
My heart melted the moment I laid eyes on your button nose and cute dimples.
Even though we had some silly disagreements over the years, my fondest memories were of us having a room together. We were forever getting up to mischief and annoying Marcus, who had his own room.
Even though I was a tomboy and you loved everything pink and Barbie, we were best friends, and when you were diagnosed with asthma aged six, I worried about you so much.
‘I'm surprised you can find anything in here!' I sighed one day as I tried to dig out your inhaler from a pile of doll's clothes and magazines. I was constantly badgering you to carry it around.
As we grew older, tights, face wipes and shoes replaced the Barbies on the floor. I was forever stubbing my toes on your rubbish.
In fact, I cursed you a lot.
‘Bloody Bianca,' I'd say, tripping over another pair of heels.
‘You can't change her - Bee is Bee,' Mum would chuckle.
She was right, and I wouldn't have had you any other way.
I loved Friday nights, curling up on the sofa together, me with a glass of white wine, you with a bar of chocolate. Then we'd listen to each other moan about boys, friends and school.
‘We had a careers fair today, but I've no idea what I want to do,' you'd sighed one evening.
I was about to go off to Bristol University to study nursing, and knew your own future was playing on your mind.
‘There's no rush,' I told you. ‘And I'll always be
here to help...'
Even when I moved away, we constantly emailed and sent text messages. I still needed to nag you to pick your clothes up from the floor or remind you to take your inhaler out with you!
Some weekends you'd visit and we'd enjoy a spot of retail therapy. Neither of us had any money, but it didn't matter. We'd window shop instead!
Our relationship wasn't always hearts and flowers though, oh no! When I moved back home after my studies, you'd borrow my clothes without asking. So annoying! I'd only find out when I saw the pics on Facebook!
‘Sorry, I forgot to ask,' you'd giggle. ‘I didn't think you'd mind!'
Somehow, you always managed to sweet talk your way out of trouble. I can remember countless times when you were super nice to me. Then you'd ask if I could pick you up after a night out on the town!
But it was another night that I'll never be able to forget, no matter how hard I try.
I'd woken up to find you, Mum and Dad weren't there. I just thought it was their turn to pick you up from a night out. But then, suddenly, the phone rang - it was our dad Andrew, 46.
‘I'm at County Hospital,' he told me. ‘You need to get here - Bianca's in a bad way.'
In a panic, me and Marcus rushed down to A&E. Dad was inconsolable and Mum couldn't speak. I tried to hold it together.
‘Bianca called us to say she was having trouble breathing,' Dad explained. ‘She didn't have her inhaler.'
How many times had I reminded you, Bianca?
Doctors tried to bring you back, but you were already with the angels. All of us were there to the very end though, Bee.
Reaching out, I held your hand as the doctor shook his head. ‘Goodbye,' I whispered, tears streaming down my cheeks.
It was such a shock. One minute you were a popular 18-year-old with loads of mates. The next, you'd collapsed after a night out and your life was over.
I'd hardly had a chance to get my head around it when we started organising your funeral.
Amid the heartbreak of it all, discussing the arrangements like some military procedure, I had to smile to myself. You were the least organised of us all, Bee!
We'd always said you'd be late for your own funeral, but we needed to make it right for you.
As The Kooks' Shine On played during the service,
I remembered how you'd tap dance along to your favourite song in the kitchen. You'd joined the local dance academy at the age of three and were forever practicing.
‘Do you think this will look good in my next performance?' you'd asked me once, giving a high kick. I'll really miss watching your shows.
You looked beautiful in your pink and blue coffin - your two favourite colours.
More than 500 people turned up to pay their respects to you, but that wasn't a surprise. You had this unique ability to win people over. It was only after the funeral that it really started to hit home. We wouldn't be squabbling over clothes anymore, or arranging joint birthday parties.
Now, every new candle on my birthday cake will be a reminder that you aren't there.
You loved a party, Bianca, so we organised one just for you in town. Loads of local bands played and we donated all the money to Asthma UK.
Even now, three months on, it still doesn't feel real. But I'm not going to say goodbye. When I look up in the sky, I know you're still there smiling down on me. I'll love and miss you forever, Bee.
Charlotte Hart, 24, Tupley, Hereford