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Return to the deathbed

Same place, days apart, we faced tragedy again


Published by: Jemma Gillard and Kristina Beanland
Published on: 22 November 2012

Sausages were sizzling away on the barbecue. Yet, despite the sun shining, it felt like a grey cloud was hovering above us.
My husband's grandad Bryan had passed away five days before, after suffering a heart attack. He'd been 83. We'd been at the hospital while they'd battled to save him. It'd all happened so quickly that it hadn't really sunk in yet, which was why the whole family had got together to reminisce about the memories we all had of him.
Just then, my five-year-old daughter Abigail pushed her 11-month-old sister Eloise past me in her pushchair. Tears began to sting my eyes.
‘They're really going to miss him,' my husband Michael sighed.
‘They'll miss his cake treats,' I chuckled, wiping my tears away. Whenever we went to his house, he'd lead them straight towards the fridge.
‘Who wants a treat?' he'd smile, opening the door to reveal a shelf full of Jaffa Cakes.
‘You spoil them,' I'd tease him. ‘If I can't spoil my favourite girls, who can I?' he'd shrug.
God, we were going to miss him so much. That evening, we still felt so sad as we tucked the girls up in bed early.
I wrapped Eloise up in her duck comfort blanket. She stared up at me with her big brown eyes. ‘Who are we going to get to make you to laugh now?' I whispered. ‘We need him more than ever at the moment!'
For the last couple of days, she'd seemed really miserable and kept crying.
‘She probably just misses her great-grandad,' Michael said, coming to check on her, too.
Bryan had a special soft spot for her. It always used to melt my heart when he delicately rested Eloise on his knee.
Amazingly, she never seemed to cry when she was with her great-grandad. In fact, she saved her best smiles for him!
‘She never smiles like that for me,' I'd chuckle.
‘Maybe she finds my face funny,' he'd grin.
‘Now we'll all miss that face,' I whispered, as we crept back down the stairs.
My friend Jenny, 33, came round and the three of us sat in the garden chatting about Bryan. Then, we heard a loud bang coming from Eloise's bedroom.
‘What's she doing up there?' Jenny chuckled.
Michael went to check on her as Jenny got ready to leave.
But, as we reached the door, I heard Michael shout. I bolted upstairs and, as I approached Eloise's bedroom, my heart jumped into my mouth.
She was in Michael's arms but she looked like a china doll. Her skin was grey and her arms were flopped lifelessly by her side.
‘She's not breathing properly,' Michael panicked. I grabbed her off him. ‘Come on, darling,' I cried. ‘Mummy's here.' But I could hear her rasping for breath, and her big brown eyes were all glazed over.
‘Oh my god,' I cried. ‘Jenny, call an ambulance, quick.'
I rushed downstairs with her. ‘It's okay, sweetheart,' I whispered. I was frantic, and every second dragged. Thankfully, it didn't take long for the paramedics to arrive.
‘I'll stay here with Abigail,' Jenny assured us as we rushed into the ambulance.
On the way to the John Radcliffe Hospital, Eloise's jaw locked.
‘We can't keep her airwaves open,' a paramedic explained. As we arrived at the hospital, there was a piercing screech from the heart monitor. Her heart had stopped beating.
‘Please don't let my baby die,' I cried, as the paramedic rushed out of the ambulance with Eloise in her arms. We followed them into the rescuss ward, where they started performing CPR.
Just then, Michael grabbed hold of my hand. ‘Please, not in this cubicle,' he croaked. I was too busy worrying about Eloise to think about what he meant. Then, I glanced around, and realised where we were.
Doctors were trying to resuscitate Eloise in the same bed that Bryan had died from a heart attack.
‘You've got to move her,' I cried, hysterically, to the doctors. ‘She's fine here,' they assured me. ‘We're trying to help her.'
They thought we were just upset about Eloise's condition, but this felt like déjà vu. Only five days before, me and Michael had stood in this very same spot as doctors had worked furiously on Bryan. We'd been the only ones to make it to the hospital in time and we'd prayed so hard he'd pull through.
But, eventually, the doctors had stepped back and shaken their heads. ‘We're sorry,' they said. ‘No!' I sobbed.
We took Bryan's hand and told him how much we loved him. Now, we were back here reliving the nightmare. Only this time, it was our baby's life that hung in the balance.
For four painful minutes, we watched as doctors tried to save Eloise's life.
‘Bryan, if you're watching over us, please don't let her die,' I prayed. ‘Don't let us lose someone else in here.' Tears fell down my cheeks and, just then, the machines started to beep again. Amazingly, she was back with us.
‘Thank god,' I cried. ‘You know, I think that Bryan heard us.'
‘I hope so,' Michael said, glancing up towards heaven.
Even though we weren't out of the woods yet, it was a comfort thinking that Bryan was looking after his great-granddaughter.
As she was put onto a life support machine and moved to the intensive care unit, I kept a bedside vigil.
‘Eloise is very poorly,' the doctor explained. ‘We don't know exactly what's wrong. She'll be sedated and on a breathing tube for another two days.' It broke our hearts, but we knew she was in the best hands.
‘Please wake up, gorgeous,' I whispered. ‘We need to go to Bryan's café on Monday.' Bryan's wife Mona, 81, had died two years before and, ever since, we'd taken him for dinner every Monday night at the café that him and Mona used to visit.
Eloise used to love sitting on Bryan's knee and sharing his jacket potato. He'd mush it up into tiny bits for her.
I think he must've been listening to us. That afternoon, Eloise started to tug at her breathing apparatus.
‘She's waking up,' I cried.
‘It's a miracle,' the doctor said. ‘It should normally take at least two days for her to wake up.'
‘I think she has her great-grandad to thank for that,'
I smiled.
As Eloise opened her eyes, I've never felt so relieved.
‘Hello, sweetheart,' I said. After further tests, doctors finally found out that Eloise was suffering from febrile convulsions.
‘It's triggered by an underlying infection that caused her body temperature to increase,' he explained. ‘Eloise's reaction to it caused her heart to stop. We'll keep an eye on her,' he added.
Four days later, we were able to take her home and go to Bryan's funeral.
‘Did you die to save our little girl?' I whispered up to him. I think he did.
Even though I can't thank the South Oxfordshire Ambulance Service and hospital staff enough, I believe it was Bryan keeping a special eye on Eloise from heaven that saved her. As hard as it was to be back in that cubicle where he died, he was there, making sure she was safe.
When Eloise is older, we'll tell her all about her great-grandad who wasn't just great, he is her guardian angel, too.
Charlotte Wilmshurst, 29, Abingdon, Oxfordshire