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Forbidden love

Then the only secret I kept from Jack tore us apart...


Published by: Jai Breitnauer and Isobel Dickinson
Published on: 17 November 2011

Yelling, shouting, tugging at my duvet and leaping on me - yep, this was my typical early morning alarm call from Jack. Flipping big brothers!
But me and Jack, 21, had always been inseparable. As kids, we had matching toys, even a double bike we loved to ride.
‘We're twins,' I used to lie to people. Really, I was two years younger, but Jack was always there for me. When our parents had split, I'd cried on his shoulder.
‘You'll always have me,' he'd promised. And he'd been true to his word, I could tell him anything.
Anything but this... That he'd woken me from a wonderful dream where I was kissing a woman. That I was wondering if I was gay.
I was desperate to confide in someone, but Jack was such a typical bloke. I knew he wasn't being horrible, but he used humour to deal with being uncomfortable when gay people were mentioned.
‘Sis! Wake up! You were miles away!' Jack laughed, interrupting my thoughts by yanking the duvet off me. ‘Anyway, I was talking about this party Friday.'
‘I've got coursework to do...' I started, but he made a pouty face. ‘All right!' I laughed.
And I had to admit, it was more fun than writing an essay! As the music blared, Jack leaned on my shoulder, grinning. ‘See that chick?' he slurred. I followed his finger, and clocked a slim brunette. ‘Word is she's a lesbian and fancies you!'
‘Don't be daft!' I snorted.
But my heart was pounding.
She was very attractive...
Jack stumbled away - and the girl came over to me. ‘I'm Jane,' she smiled. ‘Want to find somewhere quiet to chat?'
My mouth went so dry, I could only nod. Grabbing my hand, she led me upstairs and, before I could catch my breath, she'd pushed me on to the bed and started kissing me.
It felt amazing!
‘I've had my eye on you for ages,' Jane said, stroking my hair.
‘You're the first girl I've ever kissed,' I said.
Suddenly, I heard Jack's voice on the stairs. ‘My brother!' I gasped, pushing Jane off. ‘He mustn't know!'
‘We'll keep it secret,' she winked, slipping me her number.
Soon, we were spending every available moment together.
‘So Jane's your new best mate
is she?' Jack asked one day.
‘Something like that,' I smiled.
We were in the college canteen, and he looked around before leaning in. ‘I was wondering if you could put a word in for me. With Jane. I hear she likes blokes, too.'
I nearly spat out my chips!
‘No, Jack!' I cried.
‘Why not?' he sulked.
‘Because... because... you can't date my friends. And she's gay!'
‘Okay, okay. But can I hang out with you guys? I miss you.'
‘Of course,' I said, feeling bad. I hated lying to my brother.
Over the next couple of months, Jack spent more time with me and Jane. They got on really well.
And stealing a kiss when Jack went to the loo just added spice to our relationship. But Jane began to get fed up with the secrecy.
‘We've been together nine months,' she said one night while we waited at mine for Jack to come home with a DVD. ‘It's like you're ashamed of me!'
‘I just need time...'
I begged, taking her hand. Then I heard my brother's key in the door, and dropped the subject like a hot potato. He appeared waving a DVD.
‘Got an action film, but they didn't have any popcorn. Run to Tesco, Al,' he smiled to me.
‘Okay,' I sighed. I tried to catch Jane's eye to get her to come too, but she looked away.
Outside, I couldn't get Jane's words out of my head. Was I ashamed of her? Of myself?
‘No more hiding,' I decided. I bought the popcorn then marched back to the house, determined to spill everything. But it was in darkness.
‘Jack?' I called. I heard a shriek from my bedroom. Jane!
Scrambling up the stairs, all sorts of horrible things went through my head. Jane injured... Jack fighting a burglar... Bursting into my room, I fumbled for the light - and gasped. Two bodies... naked... twisted together on my bed...
‘What the hell?' I screamed. Jane's face crumpled in shame. But Jack chucked a pillow at me.
‘Get out, Al!' he cried. ‘Can't you see I'm busy!' Of course! He had no idea Jane was my girlfriend.
Sobbing, I ran down the stairs, into the street. Hurt, confused, I walked for hours but, with nowhere else to go, I went home. They were sitting at the kitchen table, Jane's face stained with tears. ‘So, she's your girlfriend?' Jack said.
‘Was. How could you, Jane?'
‘I-I'm sorry,' she sniffed. ‘I fancied both of you. I was confused, thought sleeping with Jack would help me decide...'
‘Get out!' I snapped. ‘I never want to see you again.'
Jane grabbed her coat and shuffled out - but Jack was smiling. ‘My little sis, having it away with a woman!' he chuckled.
My mouth dropped open. ‘Jack, you slept with my girlfriend!'
‘But it wasn't serious. You were just experimenting...' he said.
‘I can't believe you! The least you could do is apologise!'
‘What for?' Jack snorted. ‘You lied to me! Anyway, you're just going through a phase. And so
was she, but I sorted her out.'
Disgusted, I ran up to my room and slammed the door. Next morning, there was no wake-up call from Jack. ‘What's got into you two?' Mum asked, but I shook my head. I missed my brother so much but, whenever I saw him, I was reminded of Jane's betrayal.
A few months later, Jack announced he was moving to Manchester. Despite everything, I was gutted. Standing in his doorway, I watched him pack. ‘Found this,' he said sadly, handing me a photo of us on a go-kart.
‘Granddad helped us make it.'
‘We nearly killed ourselves going down that hill,' he chuckled.
I pulled him into a hug. ‘Look after yourself,' I sniffed.
‘You, too,' Jack smiled. That was four years ago. I'm bisexual, but I haven't had another relationship with a woman - I can't trust them.
I talk to Jack on the phone, but I rarely see him. That closeness has gone now. When Jane cheated on me with my own brother, she didn't just ruin our relationship, she destroyed my bond with Jack as well. And that's what hurts the most.

Jack says:‘I feel bad I hurt my sister, but I didn't know they were seeing each other. I wasn't happy when I found out she fancied girls. It wasn't very supportive of me.'
 
Jane says: ‘Aaliyah was my first true love. One night, Jack asked for a shoulder massage and one thing led to another. I do regret it.'


Aaliyah Johnson, 24, Hounslow, London